Look, there's not much happening this morning, so I thought we'd inaugurate our new feature on the main page, and pick up the usual items later in the day.

So, with the idea that the best way to get people to move is to scare them, we begin here our own shameless exploitation of the politics of fear:

BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

That's President Barack Obama's first hundred days.

Scared already?  I hope so.

Each day for the next hundred days, we'll cover the new president as he goes about remaking the universe.  Let us begin.

DAY 1 - JANUARY 20,  2009

A moderately cold day.  The president-elect and Mrs. Obama descend the steps to the podium at the rear of the Capitol building.  The U.S. Marine Corps band plays "Getting to Know You."  Michelle Obama is seated.  The president-elect takes his place at the podium, as does Chief Justice John Roberts.  The scene is American perfection.  In the first two rows behind the president-elect, everyone has blond hair and blue eyes.  All those with funny religious dress have been locked inside the building. 

Now Michelle Obama rises and brings a Bible to the podium.  On the Bible is a large red tag saying NOT A KORAN. 

CHIEF JUSTICE:  Please place your left hand on the Not a Koran, raise your right hand and repeat after me.  I, Barack Hussein Obama...

OBAMA:  I, Barack No Middle Name Obama...

CHIEF JUSTICE:  Do solemnly swear...

OBAMA:  Do sorta promise...

CHIEF JUSTICE:  That I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States...

OBAMA:  That I'll be the change I've been waiting for...

CHIEF JUSTICE:   And will, to the best of my ability...

OBAMA:  And will, with perfection...

CHIEF JUSTICE:  Preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States...

OBAMA:  Except for the part about having only two terms...

CHIEF JUSTICE:  So help me God.

OBAMA:  So help me me. 

CHIEF JUSTICE:  Congratulations.

OBAMA:  Please resign, and tell Scalia. 

The Marine Band strikes up "Hail to the Chief," with new lyrics by 50 Cent. 

The president rejects the 21-gun salute as sending the wrong message.  Instead, he and Michelle give each other 21 fist bumps. 

The cheering dies down.  Behind the president we see the smiling faces of new Secretary of State Jimmy Carter, and Al Gore, secretary of the newly created Department of Melting Stuff.

The president approaches the podium for his inaugural address.  The crowd hushes:

The Address 

Former President Bush, former Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Ahmadinejad, President Chavez, distinguished veterans of the Weather Underground, Mr. bin Laden...

First, in the spirit of my new Administration, let me apologize to you, President Ahmadinejad, for your having been strip-searched at Reagan International Airport just because your carry-on set off a geiger counter.  This culturally insensitive overreacting will stop right now.  I've ordered your underwear washed and returned. 

Also, I want to thank the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. for his moving invocation.  Regarding those parts about America roasting in hell and white people being descended from hamsters, I don't happen to agree.  I wasn't aware that he held these views...

MEANWHILE, ABOUT A MILE AWAY...

A judge from Court TV appears in her black robes in the living room of a Washington mansion.  A small group of people, their faces red with rage, wait on her every word.

JUDGE:  Please raise your right hand and repeat after me.  I, Hillary Rodham Clinton...

HILLARY:  I Hillary Rodham...

JUDGE:  Clinton...

HILLARY:  After the way he screwed up?  Drop it.

JUDGE:  Do solemnly swear...

HILLARY:  For the little people I care about...

JUDGE:  That I will faithfully execute the office of real president of the United States...

HILLARY:  That I will faithfully execute the office I should have had if there were any damned justice in this country, and the woman-hating hack reporters and misogynist political frauds could be locked away...

JUDGE:  And will, to the best of my ability...

HILLARY:  And will, with a lot more smarts than that guy at the Capitol with his affirmative-action degrees, and the wife with the mouth...

JUDGE:  Preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States...

HILLARY:  I'll read it over and see...

JUDGE:  So help me God.

HILLARY:  She's in my pocket.

JUDGE:  Congratulations. 

HILLARY:  You know, that felt good.  Let's do it every Thursday until the overthrow.

TO BE CONTINUED... 

June 19, 2008.