BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 16 - February 4, 2009

The White House press office announced that the new term used to describe President Obama's constant flip-flops on issues would be "enhanced observations."

The White House dropped the phrase "enhanced observations" after it was widely ridiculed during its 20-minute life.  The new term for the president's constant change of positions is "evolving excellence."

President Obama personally ordered the White House press office to stop using the term "evolving excellence," after Michelle burst out laughing.  The president ordered that the new expression used to describe his constant shifts will be "enlarged patriotism."

The president said that it was "enlarged patriotism" that prompted him to call Dick Cheney for a six-hour chat on how the government really works.  "He knows stuff," Mr. Obama said.  But the president denied reports he had also spoken with Donald Rumsfeld.

The president said his campaign would "definitely" pay for damage done to several hotels where inaugural balls were held.  Hotels were left with graffiti on the walls saying "off the pig," "U.S. out of Vietnam," and "No Way with LBJ."  The president attributed the graffiti to overly exuberant historians.  He also said he regretted the arrest of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. for scrawling on the side of the Capitol building, "Obama is ungrateful."

The Treasury Department announced that it will propose 634 new taxes, to be used for easing Americans through the cost-of-oil crisis.  The Department had a terse "no comment" on why it was necessary to add thirty percent to the gasoline tax in order to help ease the burden of gas prices. 

Samantha Power, fired by the Obama campaign after she called Hillary Clinton a "monster," was invited into the Administration, but was fired again after filing war crimes charges against most of the U.S. Congress.  It was also revealed that she was having an affair with Dennis Kucinich.  Mr. Obama said he regretted her behavior, but attributed it to poor staff work.   

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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