BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 17 - February 5, 2009

President Obama, at a press conference, hotly denied that he was trying to be a new messiah.  But reporters say they were moved when, while they were filing out, the president thanked each one for coming to services.

After only 17 days in office, the president shook up part of the White House staff.  He named Chris Matthews as press secretary, saying, "Look, he might as well have the job he's been doing all along." 

The president also named three old associates of Hillary Clinton to posts in the White House.  An informed source said that the president made these appointments after seeing "The Godfather" films again, and recalling the line, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

The president was measured for "culturally appropriate" clothes today in preparation for a meeting with terror leaders in Afghan caves.  While the president hasn't been invited, he said he wanted to be ready, "so I don't go in wearing jeans."

The Department of Energy announced that a find in Texas may be the greatest oil field ever discovered in the U.S.  It won't be drilled, though, the department said, because there are daisies growing in the area.

The president acknowledged that he is considering offering the people of Japan an apology for the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  The president said he is also looking into claims that the Japanese aircraft appearing over Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, were carrying tourists. 

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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