BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 25 - February 13,  2009

First Lady Michelle Obama said she was so pleased by yesterday's celebration of Lincoln's 200th birthday that she's started to channel Mary Todd Lincoln.  Mary Todd has told her never to marry a depressive.

President Obama has joined his wife and has begun to channel Abraham Lincoln.  Mr. Obama refused to reveal what Lincoln told him, but an informed source said it was something like,  "I fought a civil war.  What've you ever done?"

The president admitted that opening the White House to the public last night, to add to the Lincoln celebrations, was a bad idea, especially as everything was stolen.  The president said he would borrow a desk from a friend to do his work.  He didn't feel, he said, that the absence of phones for a few days would slow him down.

Mr. Obama, bowing to public pressure, said he would support some drilling for oil, as long as the holes were only four feet deep.  "We must not damage the Earth," he said.  At the same time, he announced a new program offering tax rebates to people who put sails on their cars. 

The president said he was misunderstood during the campaign when he said he would never compromise the security of Israel.  "Depends on what 'never' means," he said. 

President Obama made his remark about Israel as he announced the makeup of a team to go to the Mideast and arrange a peace deal.  The delegation will consist of Louis Farrakhan, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr., and Jimmy Carter.  Mr. Obama denied that the group was entirely anti-Israel.  "They've been misunderstood," he said. 

The FBI announced it had broken up a plot to kidnap the president and hide him in the basement of the Chicago Art Institute.  The White House said the president appreciates the FBI's work and forgives Jesse Jackson for organizing the plot.

The President said he would make a nostalgic trip back to Indonesia, where he spent some years of his youth.  But he denied his youth influenced him at all. "I wasn't influenced by anything until I was 36," he said.  Update: Mr. Obama cancelled his trip after a poll showed public disapproval.  The president said he didn't remember where Indonesia was. 

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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