BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 27 - February 15,  2009

President Obama said he misspoke when urging Americans to save energy by doing more driving downhill.  The president blamed the gaffe on poor staff work.  He said he always had respect for people who drove uphill, but blamed the GOP highway program of the 1950s for having so many uphills.

Michelle Obama said she also misspoke when she suggested burning Hillary Clinton's papers as a good energy source.  The first lady said she meant that she read in the papers that Hillary Clinton had found a good energy source.

The president said an agreement with Iran on its nuclear program was close.  Under it, Iran would pledge Scout's honor to stop refining uranium.  If it broke the pledge, President Ahmadinejad would lose his place in line at the UN cafeteria in New York.  Mr. Obama called this part of his "tough sanctions" program.

The renamed Defense Department, now the Kindness Department, said that the nuclear explosion in North Korea early this week was probably caused by a soldier fooling around after seeing an American war movie.

The president, at a press conference, defended the latest version of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.  He said no member of the Kindness Forces should have to admit that he or she is a liberal.  But he said he looked forward to the day, not far off, when liberals could serve openly and equally.

Mr. Obama withdrew a legal petition asking to change his middle name from Hussein to Kool-O, saying he felt the new choice didn't really reflect him.  His new middle name, he said, would be Windsor.

The president confirmed earlier reports that his revised health plan would cover the new medical condition known as WRS, or Warming Reversal Syndrome.  Mr. Obama said he sympathized with families of WRS victims, who have sudden, uncontrolled cravings for hot chocolate after learning that the Earth is cooling. 

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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