BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 28 - February 16,  2009

President Obama signed the Hurt Feelings Act of 2009, making it a Federal crime to hurt the feelings of the first lady of the United States.  After signing, Mr. Obama and Michelle did three fist bumps.

The chief executive announced dramatically that he's seeking professional help and spiritual guidance to counter what he now admits is his lack of humility.  He is getting recommendations on who the best advisers are.  He said he's asking the Queen, the Pope, and the Dalai Lama.

The president said he was unconcerned that his approval rating, after only 27 days, was lower than George Bush's.  "When the little people understand what I'm doing," he said, "the number will go up."

Secretary of Melting Al Gore had to be restrained by White House guards after noting that the temperature in the Oval Office was over 65.  President Obama reached out in sympathy, saying Gore was permanently disabled by Florida voters.

Several Democratic congressmen and senators were openly miffed by the president's proposed Constitutional amendment that would abolish Congress and replace it with a People's Assembly.  But the California delegation threw its support behind the measure, which originated in the political science department at Berkeley.

Mr. Obama seemed a bit nervous with a visiting delegation from Kenya, his father's homeland.  He tried to explain, as they pressured him to wear their gift of native dress, that he had roots in Kansas, on his mother's side.  One visiting Kenyan told him bluntly, "You're not in Kansas anymore."  The president tried to respond by singing "Over the Rainbow," but forgot the words.

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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