BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 4 - January 23, 2009

President Obama signs emergency legislation reinstating the fairness doctrine for all radio stations, requiring equal time for differing points of view.  When reminded by a reporter that conservative radio dominates the dial because it's much more popular, he replies, "If they're that popular, why do they need all that time?"  The law goes into effect immediately.  Rush Limbaugh is cut to two hours, and takes calls from angry listeners protesting the change.  Barbra Streisand is given the next two hours, and takes calls from both her listeners. 

The president cancels missile defense, saying it assumes the worst in people.  "We have a different approach," he says.  When asked, he said the approach was secret.

A blizzard socks in the president's home city of Chicago.  The president blames BUSH.  "Had we stopped global warming by installing windmills at Wrigley Field," he said, "this wouldn't have happened.  But BUSH was against it."

Secretary of Goodness Oprah Winfrey announced that she's invited the wives of four convicted terrorists to come to Washington to share their pain.  They will also give fashion tips.  "I want to break down stereotypes," said Winfrey, whose portrait now hangs in the Oval Office.

The White House denied rumors that Dan Rather will be appointed head of the Copyright Office.

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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