BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 41 - March 1,  2009

President Obama denied reports that he tried to walk across the Potomac in the middle of the night.  "I can't walk on water," the president said, "unless conditions are just right."

Mr. and Mrs. Obama reaffirmed their wish to keep the lives of their children private.  But they said that, in fairness, any tapes of the kids would be offered to all three major TV networks simultaneously, as well as to movie studios.  "Our administration believes in equality," the president said.

The Labor Department conceded that the unemployment rate shot up during the first month of the Obama administration, but attributed it to all those Bush White House officials losing their jobs.  "That's the whole thing," the department said.  "He had millions working for him, all those neocons."

The State Department said it was "distressed" by an Iranian defector's report that Iran planned a nuclear attack on Washington, but felt it was a misunderstanding.  "The president will speak with his Iranian counterpart," the department said.  "It will be resolved by Monday by addressing their grievances.  Or, as a compromise, a less offensive target will be suggested." 

In keeping with the spirit of the new administration, the Marine Corps announced it is looking for a few gay men.

Secretary of Melting Al Gore warned that the world's supply of chocolate chip ice cream, a major ingredient in his fight against global warming, was running dangerously low.  But he said he still opposed drilling for it.

For an archive of past days, please go here.

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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