BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 7 - January 26, 2009

The White House announced that President Obama had successfully turned wine into
93 octane. 

Enthusiasm for the president's "miracle gas" cooled considerably when it was learned that Mr. Obama used wine costing $138 a gallon. 

The president announced to the leaders of Canada and Mexico that he would insist on renegotiating the NAFTA trade accords.  A poll taken in Canada immediately after the announcement revealed that the most popular American president was George W. Bush.

Mexico said it would agree to all American demands regarding NAFTA, and enact the changes immediately.  General Motors announced that its new Chevy Malibu, made in Mexico, would be repriced starting at $73,000.

Mr. Obama replaced the newly fired secretary of state, Jimmy Carter, with Angelinia Jolie, who quickly called for an international crackdown on tattoos. 

The president slapped a 35-percent tax on hamburgers served in fast-food restaurants.  When reminded that the Constitution provided that only Congress could levy taxes, Mr. Obama revealed that he had changed that part on his word processor.  He said Dan Rather helped him.

The president proclaimed the end of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.  It will be replaced with the "I can be anything I want, so there" policy. As a tribute to the new plan, all Air Force fighters will be painted lavender.

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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