BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 8 - January 27, 2009

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who is running for reelection in Iran, announced that American President Barack Obama will help him pay off his campaign debts.  The White House confirmed the story, saying it was a gesture of good will.  But President Obama said he absolutely will not pay for more than half the beheadings.

President Obama said that wiretapping surveillance will continue "because it's important to national security," but that there would be increased stress on civil liberties.  The president ordered that all wiretaps end unless the target says "bomb" or "boom" or "neocon Zionist Republican pig" in the first 30 seconds. 

Mr. Obama, saying that the damage done by BUSH was so great that he would support efforts to repeal the 22nd amendment - limiting the president to two terms - so he could complete his work.  But the chief executive angrily denounced attempts to proclaim him president and excellency for life, explaining that Michelle misspoke.

The White House said it would consider requests for a Che Guevara national holiday, but that it would have to be limited to Berkeley, California, and Aspen.

The White House also expressed regret that two prisoners who escaped from Sing Sing prison in New York were wearing "Yes I Can" buttons.

The State Department announced the appointment of filmmaker Michael Moore as ambassador to France.  Moore said his main job would be to counter the pro-Americanism of the current French government.  "The president feels that is a threat to the peace, and so do I," Moore said. 

CIA Director Dennis Kucinich ordered that spy-in-the-sky satellites be shut down because "young terrorists want to have privacy on their dates, like everyone else."

"What you see is news.  What you know is background.  What you feel is opinion."
    - Lester Markel,
      late Sunday editor of
      The New York Times

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