ARCHIVE

BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS

Day 1   Barack Obama takes the oath on a Bible with a tag saying NOT A KORAN.

Day 2   Secretary of Melting Al Gore will go to Antarctica to apologize to penguins.

Day 3   Bill Clinton named roving ambassador; sent abroad to roam four years.

Day 4   Dan Rather will not be appointed head of the Copyright Office.

Day 5   The New York Times becomes the official state paper.

Day 6   Secretary of State Jimmah Carter is fired.

Day 7   President Obama has turned wine into 93 octane.

Day 8   President Obama finances the president of Iran?

Day 9   President Obama's 34th explanation of his stand on gun ownership.

Day 10   Justice Stevens may retire.  Hillary nails her resumé to Oval Office door.

Day 11   Milk reaches $4-a-quart.  President Obama urges fewer children.  

Day 12   President Obama rejects complaints about his Confederate-flag lapel pin.

Day 13   Howard Dean named White House nurse.

Day 14   The president suggested giving a tank of gas as a wedding or birthday gift.

Day 15   President's health plan will cover Obama Derangement Syndrome.

Day 16   President Obama ordered that his flip-flops be called "enlarged patriotism."

Day 17   Chris Matthews becomes press secretary.

Day 18   Michelle Obama gripes about her cut in income since becoming first lady.

Day 19   Arianna Huffington announces she has given up on Obama.

Day 20   President Obama agrees to a Puerto Rican atomic bomb.

Day 21   Jesse Jackson invited for a White House dinner, but is not given a knife.

Day 22   President Obama is learning Spanish - but only certain phrases.

Day 23   Obama to speak from top of Lincoln's head at Mount Rushmore.

Day 24   Honoring Lincoln's 200th birthday, Obama frees the Clintons.

Day 25   President Obama channels Lincoln; Michelle channels his wife.

Day 26   Michelle Obama declares her husband's administration "Obamalot."

Day 27   President replaces his middle name, Hussein, with Windsor.

Day 28   President Obama signs the Hurt Feelings Act of 2009.

Day 29   Obama rejects "It's Too Darned Hot" as new national anthem.

Day 30   Pope Benedict turns down Obama's request to speak from papal balcony.

Day 31   Obama awards Medals of Freedom who journalists who got him elected.

Day 32   The president replaces Gen. David Petraeus with Barbara Boxer.

Day 33   Hillary Clinton swipes the Oval Office rug.

Day 34   The president rejects Jimmy Carter's bid to be placed on Mt. Rushmore.

Day 35    New subsidy gives shoe-repair funds to people who can't afford gas.

Day 36    President Obama may start wearing a military uniform to work.

Day 37    Obama says the budget deficit may make it impossible to fund the Air Force.

Day 38    President Obama asserted that he had turned water into Gatorade.

Day 39    The physically fit president will continue to travel with dumbbells.

Day 40    Michelle Obama said it was okay for dead people to vote, as in Chicago.

Day 41    President Obama denied that he attempted to walk across the Potomac.

Day 42    Hillary asks President Obama if she can use the Oval Office on a time share.

Day 43    Michelle says she's getting spiritual messages from Jackie Kennedy.

Day 44    President Obama dreams of being president for life.

Day 45    Obama may hire Hillary Clinton, but only after hiring a food taster.  

Day 46    White House renamed the Clinton Family White House at Washington, D.C.

Day 47    President Obama declines to make Bill Clinton "president for a day."

Day 48    President Obama asks Bill Clinton to counsel John Edwards on values.

Day 49    Mr. Obama pardoned Karl Rove, even though Rove didn't do anything.