SNIPPETS

DECEMBER 7,  2009

From London's Sun: PORNSTAR Holly Sampson last night became the seventh woman alleged to be a mistress of golf star Tiger Woods.  The 36-year-old from Los Angeles is the star of such films as "OMG, Stop Tickling Me" and "Flying Solo 2."

Bill Clinton has reportedly flown into a jealous rage and has gone into a deep depression.

DECEMBER 6,  2009

Major crime report.  We always hit the big stories:  CINCINNATI (AP) - Talk about sticky fingers: Police arrested a man they say tried to take their candy bars. Police in the southwest Ohio city of Middletown, around 30 miles north of Cincinnati, charge that Derek Kidd, 32, tried to walk out of the station with two candy bars and a police toboggan cap.

I want to know more about the alleged culprit.  Was he persecuted?  A member of an oppressed class, group or "belief system"?  Was his culture not shown proper respect in elementary school?  Let's not just call him a candy thief.