We begin a new feature - the countdown to the new age, when peace will cover the Earth, the oceans will recede, and Chryslers will sell again. This is the coming of the age of Obamius.
- CIA director designate Leon Panetta was seen, with fake beard, and nose and glasses set, sneaking out of a video store with old DVD's of "I Spy." In addition, it is known that Panetta has written to Sean Connery, asking for advice.
- Chris Matthews was rushed to Washington's Georgetown University Hospital suffering from acute leg tingle. Matthews, who once reported a tingle up his leg whenever he heard Obama speak, alarmed co-workers when he complained of a sharper tingle up the other leg.
- Some five million people are expected at the inauguration, 95 percent of whom are personal friends of Roland Burris.
- The president-elect, after reviewing the work of Governor Rod Blagojevich, is set to announce that he is no longer from Illinois, but from Kansas. He will say, "We only have one state at a time."
- After seeing the latest Senate polls from New York, Mr. Obama denied knowing Caroline Kennedy, but said he understood that she was a campaign volunteer.
- Mr. Obama profusely apologized to the living former presidents, who met with him at the White House, after learning they'd been stripped searched and drugged before being allowed near him. But Jimmy Carter bit him anyway.
January 8, 2009.