CLINTON SQUEEZES IT OUT

Hillary Clinton has won the New Hampshire primary on the Democratic side. 

Her victory was quickly followed by reports of small fires in Washington D.C, New York, and around a number of Motel 6's in New Hampshire.  FBI sources said the fires were started by reporters and professional experts trying to burn their pre-vote predictions and polling data.  A spokesman for the CIA emphatically denied that agency tape-burning specialists were involved in the incidents. 

Meanwhile, a public-affairs officer for the Harry S. Truman library in Independence, Missouri, confirmed stories that a small voice was heard laughing from the late president's grave, followed by something that sounded like, "Wrong again, geniuses." 

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Posted at 11:43 p.m. EST, January 8, 2008.